Grief: The Pain of Lost Expectations

The intensity of the many emotions we may feel in grief are directly proportional to our expectations of the permanence of what we’ve lost or what we might lose. It is that expectation that fuels denial – and the chaos of denying the reality that stares us in the face incites or adds fuel to the other emotions associated with our grief. If we value our attachments, and the more attachments we create, the greater the chance that we will be faced with grief. The answer isn’t to avoid grief by avoiding or eliminating attachments, but to become mindful – to be present – and to let go of our expectations instead. It isn’t the loss of attachment that hurts so much as the loss of expectation and illusion of permanence. Release the expectations and release the suffering they cause.